Ok, I know I haven't written for a while, but this blog may explaine it a little. I have recently realized that I have been in a holding pattern with God for quite some time now. You know, very comfortable, happy with the way thing were. But God, He's only ok with that for so long.
Several people have asked me for advice recently and usually I can pray to God and he says cool things, exactly what that person needs to hear. But lately I haven't been getting the answers. So I broke down one evening and talked/yelled to God about it. He basically told me that He was not the problem, I was. I kept asking Him to bail me out, but I wasn't comming to Him every day just to be with Him.
Now, I don't know about you, but I would get pretty frustrated with my kids if the only time they talked to me was when they needed something. And I think I would be hurt if they thought they never needed to spend time with me and we would still have a great relationship. Now my God is not petty. He isn't just trying to manipulate me into spending time with Him by not helping me. He wants my best. More than I want the best for my kids, more than I want the best for me. And, he knows what that best is. He knew that the best thing for me wasn't to say something great to those people seeking help but for me to turn back to Him, aknowledging my desperte need for Him. He knew it would be best for me to spend more and more time with Him and less time thinking about myself.
So, I'm spening more time with my Lord now and something interesting is happening. I haven't felt super giddy or overwhelmed by Him like I have before. I feel surrounded by Him. It is the differance to me in being married for a year and being totally in love with my husband and feeling giddy when I'm near him to being married for almost 10 years and knowing I love him more than I could express. It is a deeper love, more intimate. A love born from a deep understanding of the person you have spent so much time with. This is how I want to love God, deep and contstant.
I pray that God continues to speak through me to you and to others, but more than that, I pray that I might know Him in a deep and intimate way.
